Dear IbogaWorld

Dear IbogaWorld

I am writing you the whole experience because it was like a story, and I would like to remember it, so I took this note.

We had a deal with Max, he informed us that he will not come and told us that if I (Janine) would wish to take a part of it I am free to do so. So, he had put a bug in my ear (Croatian tale. When somebody gives you an idea, and then you think about it whole day).

I had a problem with depression and self punishment. I was thinking that I am not a good person and that I must punish myself, and I must become somehow better.

When I took test dosage Marko told me that I worry a lot in my life, and that it is hard for him sometimes with me, so I started to cry and feel my sadness.

First I have seen smiles, like on black canvas, orange and yellow glowing pictures made of sand… and smiles and other pictures… it was gentle, and I relaxed. Then somebody knocked on this black canvas, and opened it like a door. I was a little scared and surprised. There was a figure of light but not glowing light, something maybe like a mist, she was like a presence.
She told me that her name is Eboka.

Then she told me that I have a cloud in my head, And she took me to show me that. My head from inside was a dark blue room, on the floor was a huge sleeping snake, and in that cloud (which was floating like a larvae-bubble creation) was a child playing with toys, she told me that life is a game, a child play, everything what I do, I must do as a child play… like a child playing roles. I was really surprised because I thought I am ill, and that from inside I am ruined, and there I had a peaceful place in my inner sea.
And I played with this child. And I left myself to have fun and joy.
While I was playing I was aware of one funny dwarf going around my body and organs looking in which condition they are.

All the time I was aware of evil around us, it had made something ugly or wrong with every nice picture, but it was funny. I was avoiding him. I asked Eboka why she will not show me the dark side, and she brought me to the two boxes. In one box was everything good and in the other was everything evil. She asked me do I know what is worse than evil? I said “no idea”. She answered “NOTHING”, and made that box with evil disappear. Looking at good alone, without a balance, was so sad for me. So, she told me that it is better to do wrong than to do nothing.(Because of depression I was sitting or lying in the bed doing nothing for hours, days). She told me that evil is coming to me every day because I let it to swim out on the surface. I know it, but I have forgotten joy and playing.

She showed me my dear Steven, and she let me hug him so hard that we became one- together. I had always needed to hug him so hard that I come inside him… so she gave me that wish to come true. Then I felt that she had put something inside me in the same shape and size as I am, something what was all the time near me invisible- like some missing part. And I will never again be alone.

She told me that the purpose of our life is to walk on Earth, and that our walking spins the Earth, and I saw a huge number of human feet spinning our planet. Pure joy.

I was afraid that I will forget words, and she made me a pocket on my back, and put all the words there for me to remember. Like a mother preparing a kid for the school. I know that Eboka loves me, and I am not alone. And life is only a play… no worries anymore.

Then Eboka took me to clean the dust from my organs with white clothe and when we came to stomach she told me that I must vomit what’s in my stomach because that’s my illness. I have emphysema on my lungs. I feel now that my breath is deeper. Furthermore, I really believe that I am fixed from the inside, I feel I am healthy.
We had walked throughout my body while talking. I was so surprised that everything is great inside me.

She said good bay, and I said thank you, on the end, she gave me the spear and told me to go up in my brain and make a hole in that larva in which a child was playing. I thanked her, and she left back through that door in the black canvas. I was alone in my body, going back with a spear toward the brain inside a blue room with that sleeping snake, and a child playing inside a larva. Furthermore, I was worried that if I break the larva bubble, something terrible will happen, but after I made a hole, there came band-aid and all was the same. I took a risk and action, I break fear in that case.
This was the end.

There was some more hallucinations but that was random and mild.

By the way. Steven is still great he quitted methadone, and he is happier than ever!!! Our life is turned upside- down. He has found new friends, he is teaching them to play music. I am sending to you his last song.

Thank you IbogaWorld for making this possible for me.